One of our biggest fears is the fear of being alone.
Maria and Pedro have been in a relationship for ten years. Maria says she continues to stay with Pedro because he is very loving and because he keeps her company. But deep down, Maria is unhappy. Pedro is an unemployed alcoholic who is completely financially-dependent on Maria. To make matters worse, Pedro has not made any genuine attempt to improve himself or to overcome his addiction. So Maria complains to everyone about how Pedro doesn’t fulfill her needs; but she does nothing about this unsatisfying relationship because she is scared to death of being alone.
Alexa, the vice-president of marketing in an important international company, is intelligent, single and beautiful. She dresses extremely well and carries herself with so much confidence in the office that nobody would probably imagine that Alexa fears weekends. Despite all her professional success, Alexa has no partner or family of her own. The weekends only bring her a deep sense of loneliness. Even if she goes out with her friends, poor Alexa longs for Monday so that she can return to her comfort zone of big business.
Luisa has been married to David for twenty years. David is a good man but, over the years, he has become more like a brother for Luisa than a husband. They get along well enough despite the fact that they have nothing in common as a couple. Their twins will be going to college next year and they will be all alone again. The mere thought makes Luisa shiver. She doesn’t know what she is going to do without the boys, alone with her husband. She fears that she is going to feel lonelier than ever.
You are always Alone
Why are you so afraid about being alone?
Why haven’t you learned how to be alone?
The truth is that you already know how to be alone because most of the time you are actually alone, even if you have a partner!
You were born alone. You breathe, think, eat, sleep, go to the bathroom alone. You go to work, drive, and do so many more things on your own.
But thanks to your cultural beliefs, the princess stories that you grew up with, and the television shows and Hollywood movies that you watch, you live under the illusion that you need a prince to make you happy.
And that is the main problem. You believe that a prince is responsible for your happiness.
So you think that your happiness is in the hands of some external being or circumstances beyond your control.
Eventually, you may find that “prince” but you realize that he doesn’t make you happy, and you feel alone all over again.
Or, if you have not met your prince yet, you yearn for his presence and think that once he appears in your life you will finally be happy.
Or, if your prince decides to leave, you feel as if the whole world has crumbled into tiny little pieces. You are terrified because you believe that you will never EVER be loved and be happy again.
So what can you do to stop feeling afraid of being alone?
Accept the Fear
Begin by accepting the fear. Most of the time, you are not afraid about being alone, you are afraid about the fear that you will feel by being alone.
But fear is just an emotion that we all feel. Like happiness, fear is not a permanent feeling and it is totally okay to experience it at times.
When you are afraid about feeling fear, just remind yourself that this is a passing feeling. Just as there are sunny days, there are cloudy days. Fear may just be a cloudy day that will eventually turn into a sunny day.
Learn How to Make Yourself Happy
You need to begin doing the things that you hope a prince would do for you to make you happy.
Ask yourself what makes you happy and make a list. How about chatting with a friend, volunteering at the animal shelter, or dancing to the beat of hip hop music? How about reading poetry, getting a massage, taking a knitting class, reading a self-help book, cooking your favorite dinner, meditating, cleaning your house, gardening, sunbathing like a turtle in a creek, looking at the starry skies at night, baking a cake for a friend (and for yourself), getting your favorite flowers, taking a bubble bath, or using your favorite lotion?
The list is endless. But you have to start deliberately doing and getting the things that make you happy.
When you take your own happiness in your hands, you will gradually enjoy your own company, Pretty soon you will realize that you have the power to make yourself happy anytime.
Ironically, it is very possible that when you reach this point, you will attract a prince into your life who is enchanted by your vibrancy and your joy, and who is inspired to treat you as you treat yourself.
If you already have a prince, he will also feel your energetic positive change and your relationship will most likely change for the better. But if it doesn’t, who cares?!
By then, you will have already understood that your happiness really depends on you, and you will be an expert in allowing into your life only those things and circumstances that make you happy.
You will be in a much better position to get unstuck from unfulfilling relationships.
Realize that you are already alone and that being alone is not the worst thing that can happen to you.
The worst thing that can happen is that you continue to believe that your happiness depends on somebody else.
Claim your power and begin today!
What can you do RIGHT NOW to make yourself happy?
Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!