Relationship experts emphasize the importance of both partners constantly meeting each other’s emotional needs in order to keep their love and passion alive over time.
Satisfying each other’s needs comes natural for couples at the beginning of their relationship. In fact, that is why you fall in love! Your partner goes out of his/her way to make you feel fantastic.
Need help at work? Your partner is always right there at your beckon call to help save the day; no matter how difficult the mission!
Want to spend time quietly watching TV together? “Of course!”
Want to go out for a romantic dinner, followed by a night dancing on the town? “Whatever you say, my Love.”
Your partner is always ready to do whatever you want. There is no detail left unnoticed. Time flies, and you feel utter joy and peace; ready to spend the rest of your life with this special person!
Perhaps you still love your partner now, yet that magic you felt at the beginning of your relationship seems a long, distant memory. You feel that things have changed drastically, and that secure, confident feeling you enjoyed in the beginning is lost. Now you are actually getting used to the lack of details by your partner, and you believe that it is “normal” for relationships to come to such a state.
Well, there’s good news! Things can change if you do these 2 simple things:
1) Identify your needs: It is very important to first identify what you need and want from your partner in order to feel special and loved.
Studies have shown that the majority of women consider the following list of emotional needs as the most important:
- Affection
- Conversation
- Quality time together
- Family commitment
- Financial security
The majority of men studied express they prefer the following needs:
- Sexual fulfillment
- Recreational companion
- Words of admiration
- Domestic support
- Good-looking spouse
Of course, there are other personal needs not listed here, and that is why it is important for you to identify your own needs.
2) Express yourself: Perhaps the idea of expressing yourself seems obvious, but telling your partner what you want/need/feel may be hard for some of us (I am constantly working on this).
It is a great mistake to think that your partner should already know everything about you, and not expressing your needs can lead to a vicious cycle in which both of you feel completely frustrated. In such cases, one partner feels the frustration of not having their needs met, while the other can’t seem to “buy” an ounce of appreciation.
Tony and Alexa have been married for 10 years. Their marriage is “good”, but both feel the lost of that special spark they immensely enjoyed in the beginning of their partnership.
Alexa stays at home and keeps herself very busy taking care of the children and chores. Tony has an excellent job, and proves to be a great provider for his family. Alexa sometimes, however, feels most frustrated with her husband.
Tony focuses most of his time at work and when he is finally home from the office, he is super tired and only wants to eat and relax. Alexa understands that her husband works hard, and she always takes good care of him when arrives. Deep down, though, she often feels that nobody gives her a break from the constant household chores, cooking, and taking care of the children; an endless task of feeding, bathing, cleaning up, helping with homework, etc.
Alexa appreciates all the financial security Tony gives, and that he is very caring and loving, but her main emotional needs – affection and domestic support – are not being totally met. She wishes that Tony would take the initiative and come home early at least once in a while to help with some of the household responsibilities. She keeps all her frustration inside, however, because he always arrives exhausted and, besides, she feels that it is “obvious” that he should know what she needs, and that any desire to help around the house should originate within him.
But poor Tony doesn’t have the remotest idea of what Alexa wants. In fact, he feels that paying the bills and providing his family with such a good lifestyle is more than enough to fulfill his duties as a good husband and father
If Alexa continues to keep her frustration in without expressing herself to Tony – over time – she will end up:
1) tolerating or
2) resenting the entire situation.
Toleration and resentment are NEVER a good ingredient for any relationship. This is why it is extremely important for Alexa to tell her husband how much she appreciates how hard he works for the family, but that she would feel more appreciated and loved by him if he would come home, for example, once a week and help out with the kids. She should give him some suggestions, such as: helping them out with their homework, giving them a bath, putting them to sleep, etc.
If Tony only knew what Alexa wanted, he will most likely want to show his love for her, and do so with an open heart. But he will never do it if she doesn’t communicate her needs!
Imagine how Alexa would feel if Tony agreed to her simple request! No doubt that she would be so most appreciative and highly motivated to do everything Tony likes her to do for him. In return, Tony will feel much more appreciated, and will also respond by helping out more around the house.
This is what is called a WIN-WIN situation; one in which a strong a strong foundation of love and appreciation in dominant!
So, once you have identified your needs, communicate them to your partner. Below are a few examples of how easy it is:
“I need a few minutes for us to sit down together and discuss our days when you/we come from work.”
“I would really appreciate it if you could help me out with the dishes/put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket, etc.”
“I need you to tell me that you love.”
“I’d love that you to bring me flowers more often.”
“I need you to help me with some of the bills.”
“I would love for you to watch the game with me.”
Do you know what you most need your partner to do for you?, Have you expressed that need?
Share your ideas/comments with me below, and please share this blog with someone you think might benefit from it.
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