Have you ever heard of the 90/10+85/15 Formula?
Well, you’re in luck because here’s an example of this fantastic formula, and tips of how to apply it in your daily life!
Imagine that it’s Friday night. It’s been another lllloooonnnngggg week of having to wake up early to take the kids to school before dashing off to the office for yet another busy, hectic work day. Then you returned home exhausted every day only to have to prepare dinner, help the kids with their homework, load them up in the car and haul them off to dance class, gymnastics, soccer, piano, etc. During the week, you also took care of things that somehow never seem to end such as: paying the bills, washing the mountains of laundry, and cleaning the filthy bathrooms!
Oh YES, but it’s Friday night! All you want to do now is rest your tired feet and finally relax in front of the TV to enjoy a good movie with your hubby while the kids play quietly and wind down so that they can go to bed early.
Fridays are generally a day when your husband gets home a little early, and since he doesn’t have the pressure of getting up early the next morning for work, he often helps reduce your load by buying dinner on the way home.
Since he hasn’t had time all week to spend any time with the kids, he usually plays with them alone as you rest for a while. He even puts them to bed early so you two can finally spend some quality time together.
Yeah baby! You’ve been waiting anxiously for Friday to come since Monday!
But this Friday suddenly turns different. Your husband calls to inform you that an extremely important client came into town unexpectedly to check the progress of his “urgent” project, which is now due by Monday. To make things worse, his boss insists that they all take this important client out for a night on the town with mariachis and tequila. To put things simply – You shouldn’t wait up for him.
How would you react?
In difficult moments such as these you have two options:
Option #1 –
Hang up on him abruptly as the blood races rapidly through your veins and your eyes fill instantly with heavy tears of a variety of emotions.
Sadness is the dominant feeling that overtakes your body. How can this be? You’ve been looking forward to this night all week!
All your friends will be spending quality time with their spouses, and now your are left alone again with the children. It’s just NOT fair!
Rage also pumps wildly throughout your exhausted body. His work is always more important than you; and today is no exception. So not only are you stuck alone with the kids again, but you just remembered that now you have to feed them, bath them, and put them to sleep while your husband is out on the town happily socializing.
Option #2 –
Tell your husband something like the following:
“No problem, Baby. It’s such a shame because I was looking so forward to spending time alone with you, but I totally understand. Promise me that you will be careful, and that you will get home as soon as possible, please.”
Even though you feel a combination of emotions such as sadness and anger, instead of giving in to your negative feelings, you make a big effort to keep an open mind and to be understanding, – and very importantly – not take the situation personally.
After all, you know – despite your sadness and anger – that your husband is a good man that is very conscious of providing a good life for you and your family. That is why his job is important for him, but not more important than you.
You take time to reflect, and to remember that things beyond our control suddenly come up, and that your husband has little choice but to make a sacrifice and work overtime; even if it involves taking important clients out on the town. Besides, you know very well just how sensitive your husband is and, when you ask for his help, he is always willing to do his best to make you happy.
So, even though he won’t be there this Friday to help out with dinner and the kids, you know that he will make up for it next Friday; if not sooner. After all, that is what he does the great majority of times. Right?
Which option did you pick?
Congratulations if you chose Option 2! That means you decided to apply the 90/10+85/15 Formula in your relationship.
The 90/10+85/15 Formula allows us to see our lives in the following matter:
90/10 = 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
In the example given regarding your husband having to work on unexpectedly Friday, you have no control over whether your husband’s boss “asks” him to work late taking care of an important matter. Right?
But you do have control as to how you will react in such a situation. You get to decide as to how you will treat your husband when he finally does get home. You have the power to feed your sadness and anger with complaints and bitterness, or to take advantage of having the opportunity to, for example, cuddle up joyously with your kids watching Beauty and the Beast for the hundredth time.
85/15 = It is your ability of focusing on the 85% on what you like about your husband, instead of targeting the 15% of what we do not like about him.
If you want a happy marriage/relationship, it’s extremely important to get into the habit of focusing on your husband’s good qualities. After all, no perfect person walks the planet. We all have good and bad qualities, but if we focus on other’s defects – on what you do not like – then your relationship with that person will surely be unsatisfactory and unhappy.
Please be aware that I’m not suggesting that you overlook your husband’s defects. I’m simply saying that it’s important to be aware if something is really going badly, or if we are simply overreacting and seeing things that are not real; or not as bad as we tend to make them.
In our story here, your husband is a good man that usually – 90% – fulfills your hopes and expectations on Friday nights. Focus on that! Remember how hard he works to take care of you and the kids. Concentrate on how good things really are between the two of you!
Applying the 90/10+85/15 Formula will help you appreciate your husband more, which will result in a stronger bond between you.
As an added bonus, your husband will feel motivated to return home as quickly as possible to his loving wife that understands him, instead of lagging to get home to a spouse that he knows is waiting to unload her fiery complaints on him as soon as he steps half way through the door.
So start applying the 90/10+85/15 Formula in your relationship, and watch how you and your husband start to connect stronger than ever!
Are you having trouble feeling excited about your relationship? I can help! ♥